How to Make Friends as a Non-Traditional Student

It can be hard to make friends at school when you're a non-traditional student and your classmates are half your age. Here are some tips on how to make friends as a non-traditional student on campus.

The tips are from J.R. Parrish's book "You Don't Have to Learn the Hard Way: Making it in the Real World: A Guide for Graduates."

J.R. Parrish had one really great mentor who taught him early in his career that the secret to success can be found in one word: others.

"When you begin focusing on others," Parrish wrote, "good things start happening to you. An essential paradigm for success is realizing and accepting how indispensable people are to your future."

He goes on to explain that the fastest way to achieve your own goals is to help others achieve theirs. It's all about human relations, and human relations is all about building rapport and making friends. So how do you do that?

Parrish says that everyone's greatest need after food, clothing, and shelter, is the need to feel important. He offers these three tips:

1. You will win or lose with people in direct proportion to your ability to satisfy their need to feel important.
2. This concept is your key to dealing effectively with people.
3. Nothing you can do will be more important to your future than learning good human relations.

I realize you're already an adult and have probably learned much of this, but a reminder now and then can make a difference in your ability to relate to others, especially when you find yourself in a new environment.

To make new friends, put the spotlight on others. Parrish says "you'll be amazed at their reaction and desire to spend more time with you." How do you spotlight others?

1. Talk about their interests.
2. Ask about their hobbies, favorite foods, music, movies, etc.
3. Show genuine interest.
4. Pay sincere compliments.
5. Put them first (through a door, in line, etc.)
6. Nod when you agree.

Your six best friends, according to Parrish, are who, what, where, why, when, and how.

Whenever you want to move the spotlight from yourself to someone else, one of these friends will help you.

Parrish's examples:

"Daniel, please tell me how you find the time to be so thoughtful?" "Shari, where did you learn such wonderful manners?"

Asking open-ended questions eliminates yes or no answers and starts a conversation.

Smiles are famous for melting all kinds of barriers. It's a universal sign of friendship. Parrish says a sincere smile conveys:

• I'll be nice.
• I'm friendly.
• I like you.
• You're worth pleasing.

"Thoughtful listening is one of the most effective ways to make people feel important," writes Parrish.

Most people are so busy rehearsing what they're going to say in response to someone that they don't actually listen to what is being said. Are you a good listener?

Parrish offers these tips:

• Eye contact indicates you're listening.
• Don't change the subject.
• Lean a little toward the person speaking.
• Ask for clarification.
• Ask open-ended questions.
• Nod when you agree.
• Don't interrupt when they pause for a breath.

Parrish's book goes on to discuss how making others feel important can make you successful in all other areas of your life.

When it comes to making new friends at school, friends who at first glance may not seem to have anything in common with you, try Parrish's suggestions. I would add emphasis on being genuine and sincere. When you make yourself vulnerable with others, they'll respond. We're all just people, trying to create a life of happiness. It's really pretty simple.